We Thought You Would Be Prettier

True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

by Laurie Notaro

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She thought she'd have more time. Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no--it's happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe "I'm going to kick his hair's ass!" to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie's wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her--inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking.

Her riffs on e-mail spam ("With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!"), eBay ("There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end"), and the perils of St. Patrick's Day ("When I'm driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens") are the stuff of legend. And for Laurie, it's all true.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

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Publisher: Random House Publishing Group

Kindle Book

  • Release date: April 19, 2005

OverDrive Read

  • ISBN: 9781588364777
  • Release date: April 19, 2005

EPUB eBook

  • ISBN: 9781588364777
  • File size: 579 KB
  • Release date: April 19, 2005

PDF eBook

  • ISBN: 9781588364777
  • File size: 772 KB
  • Release date: April 19, 2005


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She thought she'd have more time. Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no--it's happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe "I'm going to kick his hair's ass!" to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie's wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her--inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking.

Her riffs on e-mail spam ("With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!"), eBay ("There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end"), and the perils of St. Patrick's Day ("When I'm driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens") are the stuff of legend. And for Laurie, it's all true.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Expand title description text